i really need to end the sexual relationship between myself and the man i am screwing.
he came over Wednesday night and i was planning on remaining clothed and chaste. i had planned on telling him i could no longer sleep with him.
of course, this did not happen.
it would be one thing if the sex were enjoyable—for the most part, it isn’t. i do not understand my motivation (can it be something as simple as loneliness?).
i woke up yesterday morning sticky with creamsicle flavoured lube. it was in my hair and on my face; the quilt had tacky spots.
the sadness was overwhelming.
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three days ago i asked DAG if he ever thought about us and missed us together. he said, “yes, of course i do.” i believe him. he’s never lied. would never lie.
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he called last night and we chatted. i was exhausted and miserable and did not feel like talking. his voice made me cry. he asked if i were okay. i said, “yes”.
but of course, i am not okay. he knows.
